The End
week 35
Life is a battlefield and we are all a soldier
and you know what made a good soldier?
It's not bitterness, rageand thirst for vengeance
but the ability to stay calmin every circumstances
and the strong will to survive...
Some of us, I believe,
might have gone thru that before,
maybe around their age, or older, maybe younger...
depend on that i'm survive,
going and bounce from one week to another.
and i'm grateful for that.
All I want you to know is,
that I know that "I" am not alone,
that life can be rough and constant taunt can be tough
but I got to hold on for you.
cos I believe the good things are yet to happen.
if it will be come true or not,
it doesn't really matter again.
There Will Come a Time..
I guess the only thing I can do now is to think that perhaps, in a future, in a couple of years, if we were really meant for each other, somehow life will drive us together again.
But now, what do I do now?
Lovesick
we are the lovesick. the fearless ones. the never giving up.
the hearts undone. sick with the desire to love. to live so far
beyond the boundaries given to us. we are the fence-hopping
fools who never stopped to read the signs. the ones that left
the world behind. like dreams we've drawn in neon light. just
moments in the sea of time. we are the lost ones wandering.
the soon to be smoldering. last to be found. the first to fall and
fail to fly then shatter on the ground. we are the rebels running
wild through a darkness that can swallow us. but we've set fire
to our souls. burning brilliant blinding gold. the flames that illuminate
our lonely road. our futures holding fates untold. we are the
ever-refusing to fold. to fade away or worse to lose. the few that
bend and break apart the cages of our rules. born desperate for the
promise of the mystery unknown. we are the lovesick. and just like
the sun we will always rise. hope still shining in our eyes.. - Jason Reeves.
I have the courage to love.. And I will love you forever.
Bleed
Saya tidak selalu jadi orang yang benar.
Saya menjauh dari semua kebenaran itu.
Saya memilih diam.
Saya bukan pahlawan.
Saya bukan siapa-siapa.
Saya lari dari keadaan.
Dua tiga kali saya menabrakkan diri ke kesedihan saya yang mendalam.
Saya nyaris mati.
Saya mabuk, tidur di jalanan. Saya menggores tangan saya.
Saya menyebut nama kamu berharap kamu datang.
menjenguk saya,
menanyakan apa saya baik-baik saja.
Saya pernah sangat membenci kamu.
Saya bukan siapa-siapa buat kamu.
dan kamu yang dulu jadi "siapa-siapa" saya.
kamu yang dulu segalanya buat saya.
bukan lagi siapa-siapa.
Kamu tidak ada.
Silly Love
but it takes real lovers to be silly."
-Rose Franken-
Kamu, orang yang diberkati dengan semua pesona dan senyuman. namun juga orang yang paling kejam dengan senyuman yang membunuh setiap kaum pria.
dan biasanya saya tetap suka saat kamu tersenyum, kemudian berlalu.
setiap pagi saya akan datang, melihat kamu dari kejauhan.
1 menit yang akan menjadi sangat berarti bagi saya.
dengan kamu saya belajar pengertian sayang dan obsesi.
rasa rindu dan benci.
saya sayang kamu. itu jelas.
kamu bilang saya terobsesi dengan kamu? maka saya akan melupakan obsesi saya untuk bersama wanita lain di luar sana.
saya rindu kamu. setiap hari.
saya benci ketika kamu membuat saya bisu dan membuat jantung saya serasa mau pecah.
banyak hal yang saya suka dari kamu.
matamu, senyum kamu, semua hal tentang kamu.
dan hal itu tidak saya jumpai dari orang lain di luar sana.
ya keyakinanku memang sempat terguncang dengan banyakanya teman-teman saya yang kasihan melihat diri saya.
megolok-olok kamu dan membenarkan saya.
ketika saya berusaha merapikan hati saya kembali.
saya ragu.
karena satu yang saya yakini benar,
jika saya sembuh,
jika suatu saat saya tidak lagi menangis luka, atau tersenyum lirih ketika melihatmu,
saya akan melupakanmu.
nyatanya, saya tidak peduli.
saya ingin hidup dalam kesalahan dan rasa sakit ini.
asal saya bersama kamu, semuanya akan baik-baik saja kan, sayang?
I love you till the moon and back Vherlly.
NB: saya ingin berikan kamu kado ini. sepatu hak tinggi paling kamu suka. sesuatu yang kamu gambar di doodle kita. Cheers :)
I love you so.
Duapertigapuluh

"For yesterday's memories, today's love, and tomorrow's dreams I love you."
A Little Gift for Valentine Day

only to bask in your beauty
your eyes that shine like sapphires
your smile that brightens even my sad existence
I envy the wind that runs through your hair
that touches your lips...
I long to touch you...
to hold you in my arms but I cannot
for your heart belongs to another so,
I can only love you from a far
your friendship means more to me
than anything this world provides
but like an angel you touched my heart
in a way that I've never felt before
cause I've never known what love is until this day
I know that we are only friends
but my heart wishes it to be more
so I will still hope and dream
that one day I can feel your lips pressed to mine
to hold you in my arms and say,
I Want to Be Her Favorite Hello and The Hardest Goodbye

Timeless Don't let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
It's just timeless
It's just timeless
Love
Timeless-Kelly Clarkson
Love isn't the future to seek
love isn't the past that you revealed
Love is a polaroid
Just 2 colours on it
black or white?
Happy or Sad
Yet i know that in this world. it's very hard to find your true love.
my Brother said that the "True Love" is just an imaginary.
yes i don't fully agreed but i just about to know what he mean.
That Love is just imaginary for me.. it's far away and unreach
some people says that "someday you will found your way on love"
I don't think so..
I think Love is love
yeah L-Onelyness
O-blivious
it's V-ertiginous
and E-laborated
The Professor wrote "a woman without her man is nothing" Me: would write "a woman, without her man, is nothing" She would Write "A woman: Without her, man is nothing"
but I believed one thing..
Women and Man are created to complete on each other..
I know my Love..
wherever You are.. No matter How scrubby and umeant i am,
I would left some small memory to her.
And She left me with all of Our memories..

So would you be my greatest hellow and the hardest goodbye?
It Is Always Better to Have Loved on Someone and Lost Than Never to Have Loved At All

There was this guy who believed very much in true love and decided to take his time to wait for his right girl to appear. He believed that there would definitely be someone special out there for him, but none came.
Every year at Christmas, his ex-girlfriend would return from Vancouver to look him up. He was aware that she still held some hope of re-kindling the past romance with him. He did not wish to mislead her in any way. So he would always get one of his girl friends to pose as his steady whenever she came back. That went on for several years and each year, the guy would get a different girl to pose as his romantic interest. So whenever the ex-girlfriend came to visit him, she would be led into believing that it was all over between her and the guy. The girl took all those rather well, often trying to casually tease him about his different girlfriends, or so, as it seemed! In fact, the girl often wept in secret whenever she saw him with another girl, but she was too proud to admit it. Still, every Christmas, she returned, hoping to re-kindle some form of romance. But each time, she returned to Vancouver feeling disappointed.
Finally she decided that she could not play that game any longer. Therefore, she confronted him and professed that after all those years, he was still the only man that she had ever loved. Although the guy knew of her feelings for him, he was still taken back and have never expected her to react that way. He always thought that she would slowly forget about him over time and come to terms that it was all over between them. Although he was touched by her undying love for him and wanted so much to accept her again, he remembered why he rejected her in the first place-she was not the one he wanted. So he hardened his heart and turned her down cruelly. Since then, three years have passed and the girl never return anymore. They never even wrote to each other. The guy went on with his life..... still searching for the one but somehow deep inside him, he missed the girl.

On the Christmas of 1995, he went to his friend's party alone. "Hey, how come all alone this year? Where are all your girlfriends? What happened to that Vancouver babe who joins you every Christmas?", asked one of his friend. He felt warm and comforted by his friend's queries about her, still he just surged on.
Then, he came upon one of his many girlfriends whom he once requested to pose as his steady. He wanted so much to ignore her ..... not that he was impolite, but because at that moment, he just didn't feel comfortable with those girlfriends anymore. It was almost like he was being judged by them. The girl saw him and shouted across the floor for him. Unable to avoid her, he went up to acknowledge her.
"Hi......how are you? Enjoying the party?" the girl asked.
"Sure.....yeah!", he replied.
She was slightly tipsy..... must be from the whiskey on her hand. She continued,
"Why...? Don't you need someone to pose as your girlfriend this year?" Then he answered, "No, there is no need for that anymore......"
Before he can continue, he was interrupted, "Oh yes! Must have found a girlfriend! You haven't been searching for one for the past years, right?" The man looked up, as if he has struck gold, his face beamed and looked directly at the drunken girl. He replied, "Yes......you are right! I haven't been looking for anyone for the past years."
With that, the man darted across the floor and out the door, leaving the lady in much bewilderment. He finally realized that he has already found his dream girl, and she was.....the Vancouver girl all along! The drunken lady has said something that awoken him.
All along he has found his girl. That was why he did not bother to look further when he realized she was not coming back. It was not any specific girl he was seeking! It was perfection that he wanted, and yes.....perfection!!
Relationship is something both parties should work on. Realizing that he had let away someone so important in his life, he decided to call her immediately. His whole mind was flooded with fear. He was afraid that she might have found someone new or no longer had the same feelings anymore..... For once, he felt the fear of losing someone.
As it was Christmas eve, the man was quite hard to get through, especially an overseas call. He tried again and again, never giving up. Finally, he got through......precisely at 12.00 midnight. He confessed his love for her and the girl was moved to tears. It seemed that she never got over him! Even after so long, she was still waiting for him, never giving up.
He was so excited to meet her and to begin his new chapter of their lives. He decided to fly to Vancouver to join her. It was the happiest time of their lives! But their happy time was short-lived. Two days before he was supposed to fly to Vancouver, he received a call from her father. She had a head-on car collision with a drunken driver. She passed away after 6 hours in a coma.
The guy was devastated, as it was a complete loss. Why did fate played such cruel games with him? He cursed the heaven for taking her away from him, denying even one last look at her! How cruel he cursed! How he damned the Gods...!! How he hated himself....for taking so long to realize his mistake!! That was in 1996.
The moral of this story is :
Treasure what you have...
Time is too slow for those who wait;
Too swift for those who fear;
Too long for those who grief;
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love...
Time is Eternity.
For all you out there with someone special in your heart, cherish that person, cherish every moment that you spend together that special someone, for in life, anything can happen anytime. You may painfully regret, only to realise that it is too late.. Just Like ME.

Hujan Membawa Bayangmu Pergi

“Maukah kamu jadi kekasihku??
“…”’
Laki-laki itu bingung, baru saja ia melakukan kesalahan. Benarkah itu kejujuran, atau apakah diam berarti "iya" untuk pertanyaannya?
Lelaki itu menggaruk kepalanya, menunggu memang sebuah pekerjaan yang membosankan, apapun itu, perempuan itu muram.
Mungkin tidak tahu apa yang bisa diucapkan demi menutupi perasaannya sendiri, takut, gelisah dan juga kasihan.
5 menit berlalu tanpa jawaban..
"Okey, aku hanya bercanda,ini April Mop, ingat?" Sang lelaki tertawa
Lega.. si perempuan hanya tersenyum sambil berkata... "Kau menyebalkan!"
Dalam hati, si pria berkata, “Aku menyebalkan, karenamu. Aku sebal karena tidak berkata saja yang sejujurnya di hari ini”.
***
Perempuan itu menghela napas, masih terlihat wajahnya yang elok.
Lelaki itu bersamaan dengan itu berkata, “ummm, soal yang kemarin itu, maafkan aku ya? Aku tidak bermaksud membuatmu jengkel, lagipula mana mungkin aku jatuh cinta padamu? Kamu bukan tipeku”
Perempuan itu tertawa, sambil berkata, “Kalau aku mati hanya karena sakit jantung apa yang kamu lakukan?”
Laki-laki itu hanya menggumam “… entah harus sedih atau senang kalau engkau mati”
“Oya, dasar!, tapi memang kemarin aku sudah berpikir, apakah engkau yang tidak bias serius ini mampu mengatakan hal seperti itu pada seorang wanita?”
“Tentu saja, jika hal ini tentangmu aku rela berkata apa saja” Kata pria itu, tetapi ia memilih menjawab “Padahal aku ingin membuatmu takluk dihadapanku, aku ingin kamu berkata YA, kemudian aku akan tertawa terbahak-bahak melihat wajah polosmu itu.”
“Itu tidak akan terjadi” Perempuan itu tertawa.
“MENGAPA TIDAK?” tetapi sang lelaki memilih untuk diam. Menghela napas panjang.
“Ya, itu tidak mungkin terjadi, lagian, kamu manja, galak, ga cantik, ga cocok untuk aku yang ganteng ini.”
Aku telah banyak berbohong hari ini
‘Hahahah, ganteng???”
“Iya, aku kan memang terlahir ganteng”
“NO…. kalau kamu ganteng, maka semua pria di dunia ini super ganteng”
“Tapi tetap saja ganteng kan?”
Ayolah aku tidak ingin berdebat pada hal tidak penting ini.
“Iya-ya, kamu ganteeenngg banget. Tapi kumel”
“Hahahaha” Lelaki itu tertawa kecut
“Hujan nich, sudah dulu yah, Bye”
“Perlu aku antar?”
“Tidak perlu, thank’s” Perempuan itu menyetop taksi, masuk ke dalam. “Kamu hati-hati ya?’
Belum sampai sang lelaki menyahut, sang Perempuan telah menghilang di balik hujan.
****
Lelaki itu terlelap, masih terbayang bagaimana dia menyangkal bahwa dia sangat menyayangi perempuan itu,
Namun ada sesuatu hal yang tidak sempat dia bilang.
Dia menulis sesuatu:
“Selalu, aku rasa,
kita akan bercakap dalam senyap
Dengan bahasa langit yang hanya kita yang tahu
serta menyemai setiap harap yang kerap datang mengendap
lalu meresapinya ke hati dengan getir
Selalu, aku rasa,
kamu tersenyum disana, ketika akupun tersenyum disini
dan kita, dengan bahasa langit yang kita punya itu,
secara bersahaja, menyapa larik-larik kenangan
dan meniti setiap selasar waktu
bersama desir rindu menoreh kalbu
Selalu, aku rasa,
kita tak dapat menafikan
batas yang membentang
dimana jarak membingkainya lalu menjadikannya nyata
serta membuat kita sadar
bahwa pada akhirnya,
dalam pilu aku berkata:
“Percayalah, aku ada dinadimu seperti kamu ada didarahku,”bisikku pelan..
ketika bayangmu, perlahan memudar dibalik rinai hujan..”
My Fighting

There was my fighting,
my fighting with someone
Everytime we fought in the dark
And I never win
Then myself full of frightened and worried
Sadness and anger
Envious and hate
And hopeless finally came to me
he said to me with smile,
stop do everything,
‘you just spend your time, energy, and everything is useless,
because of that, stop to try’
I was absorbed... in his flattery
Fell into hole of emptiness without hope
And asked to myself
Repeat the same question,
is everything useless?
every my effort?
I remembered what I have done,
my last fighting,
where is I lose,
an absolute lose and showered down painfully
But above of all,
I developed slowly,
grew and deceived my match
I knew there was two sides in myself,
Side that wanted me to stop do everything,
And side that wanted me not to stop until I win
Finally I choosed,
I won’t stop,
until my last breath disappeared
unite with last life air
But now,
my eyes open widely,
get the reality
After my long fighting,
finally I win,
defeat my hardly match
And when the sun brights,
clean the long gloomy night,
I am very suprise,
see my match,
myself that lose,
myself that same with me but different with me,
myself that is myself but also is not myself
There is a strange feeling in my heart,
and I laugh
And I know
I will never lose again..
I will never lose again..
Poem created by "Rain"
king frog...

Once upon a time, there lived a king whose daughters were all beautiful, but the youngest was so beautiful. Close by the king’s castle lay a great dark forest, and under an old lime-tree in the forest, there was a well. The day was very warm, the king’s child went out into the forest and sat down by the side of the cool fountain. When she was bored she took a golden ball, and threw it up on high and caught it, and this ball was her favorite plaything.
Unfortunately the princess’s golden ball did not fall into the little hand and rolled straight into the water. The king’s daughter followed it with her eyes, but it vanished, and the well was deep, so deep that the bottom could not be seen. She began to cry, and cried louder and louder, and could not be comforted. When she lamented, someone said to her, “What ails you, king’s daughter? You weep so that even a stone would show pity.”
She looked round to the side from where the voice came, and saw a frog stretching forth its big, ugly head from the water. “Ah, old water-splash, is it you,” she said, “I am weeping for my golden ball, which has fallen into the well.”
“Be quiet, and do not weep,” answered the frog, “I can help you, but what will you give me if I bring your plaything up again?”
“Whatever you will have, dear frog,” said she, “My clothes, my pearls and jewels, and even the golden crown which I am wearing.”
The frog answered, “I do not care for your clothes, your pearls and jewels, nor for your golden crown, but if you will love me and let me be your companion and play-fellow, and sit by you at your little table, and eat off your little golden plate, and drink out of your little cup, and sleep in your little bed - if you will promise me this I will go down below, and bring you your golden ball up again.”
“Oh yes,” said she, “I promise you all you wish, if you will but bring me my ball back again.” But she thought, “How the silly frog does talk.”
When he had received this promise, put his head into the water and sank down. In a short time he came swimming up again with the ball in his mouth, and threw it on the grass. The king’s daughter was delighted to see her pretty plaything once more, and picked it up, and ran away with it. “Wait, wait,” said the frog. “Take me with you. I can’t run as you can.” But she did not listen to him, she ran home and soon forgot the poor frog. He was forced to go back into his well again.
I don’t know why I read this but actually I feel the same like this frog…..
I even couldn’t stare at you…
Hope that I will find the real love for me
Hope that you are the princess that will love me, sit by you at your little table, and sleep in your little bed
Hope that I finally ended my journey here.
Am I wrong to love someone???? The answer is nope..
But actually I had doing a big mistake…
I did love her as I can’t stop drowning in my own dream with her.
I did love her as she is being “fallin”with someone
Say that no one you would love, except me
Say you are mine…
Say you wanted me…

picture downloaded in http://www.williamoellers.com/Sold/Frog_King.jpg
stole my world...
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely
Vertical Horyzon “Best I ever had”
kau adalah matahari dan aku adalah bulan
Bagian diriku adalah dari dirimu..
Cahayaku berasal darimu..
Ku hanyalah bayangmu...
Bisakah seorang menggapai bayangnya? Atau mampukah bayangnya mampu lepas darinya? Jawabannya adalah tidak.
Bayangan hanyalah bayangan. Kegelapan yang timbul saat kita menyinari sesuatu yang nyata namun menghasilkan sesuatu yang sama sekali berbeda.. maya...
ku sadar.. bahwa hatiku yang kutawarkan untukmu kala itu..
Tak lebih dari seonggok daging berwarna merah yang sekarang berubah...
Hatiku membiru..
Pilu..
Tergengam erat oleh sakit yang tak lagi mampu tertahan.

Aku pernah begitu mencintaimu
Aku pernah berusaha melepasmu
Dan memutus untuk percuma begitu
cukupkah sampai di sini keinginan tak akan ada habisnya?
kepuasan tak akan ada ujungnya?
cukupkah sampai di sini pesta kemenangan merayakan kekalahan diri sendiri?
Di jalan ini aku mengenalmu
Di jalan ini aku mengerti dan belajar tuk meninggalkan
cinta itu berhenti menanamkan sebuah harapan kehidupan untukku
ketika ku terhayal untuk bersama denganmu
merindukan dirimu di sampingku
walau engkau teramat jauh tak terkejar
Aku lupa bila terakhir kali bercerita tentang hujan padamu
Kau bertanya kepadaku apa arti hujan buatku??
Hujan membawa angin tentang kenangan-kenangan kita.
Hujan yang membawaku terlelap semakin dalam ke dalam rinduku tentangmu
Hujan yang membawa harum tubuhmu kepadaku...
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how...
...

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right
15 May 2009
gil nocturne
4 the lovely one...
memoar hujan`
Nampak jelas bayangan hujan di sore itu..
Kembali kulihat sepasang muda mudi berjalan bersama, di bawah naungan payung mereka bercanda…
Anak kecil bermain dengan riang, tak terdengar ketakutan mereka akan bunyi gemuruh hujan..
dan aku… sedang duduk memandang hujan.dia bersamaku..
duduk di sebuah rumas kos.. mendiskusikan hal-hal aneh mengenai hujan..dia diam,mendura.. kulihat mendung menyelimuti wajahnya, resah…
kutanya, dia menyuruhku pulang…
Aku enggan jelang.Aku masih ingin bersamanya, apakah itu salah?
Aku bertanya dalam hati..
Aku bertanya pada hujan..
Aku menundukkan kepala, aku masih ingin melihatmu
Aku berpamitan.
Sesaat aku mengintip dari luar, mengecup bayangmu dalam kepalaku..
Aku menerobos hujan..Aku menggigil..tersentak dari lamunanku…
Ibuku memanggil.. aku terduduk menatap hujan…
Siang tenggelam, ditelan kabut malam
Surya muram, dihati remuk redam
Waktu memang tak janjikan apapun pada kita..pada cerita cinta kita…tetapi mengapa hatimu terlalu sempit untukku berlari???
“Ada yang tersentuh dan tak bisa kusentuh
Ada yang tahu semua itu ada
ada luka yang takkan terlupa.."
Sang Dewi Hujan