I Will Regret

Despite the cheating, lies and the way things didn't work out, I still love you for who you are, and whether you willingly admit it, I know there is a place in your heart for me.
You lock it away and sometimes disregard it, its not enough to reject other by, but it's enough to remember me by. Even though I'm not always there, and the intricate hardships that complicate my life, are not your burden to carry. I feel like you see my pain, and have a subtle yet distinct way of loving me, which brightens my day when I'm feeling low.

You warm my heart when you tell me I am good enough, and although it's not openly said, their is a kind of love that ties us together, but equally drags us apart. It's a safe kind of love, one that can be intercepted or temporarily forgotten. But that can always be redeemed and replenished. You are a beautiful mistake to me, and I know you think I don't see it. Your beauty and kind soul, but I see it more than anyone. And feel like you have the right to know. I never am open about my thoughts and the things that I keep locked away, are often for good reasons. But you are that beautiful someone, who to me, despite relationships, distractions or consequence, have a place in my heart, and I love you for the person that you are. I won't ever ask for your forever, or even a functional relationship. You and I work differently to that, and at the moment, at this stage in life, where we both are, it somehow works. Amongst the mess of uncomplicating everything that is thrown at us, we are eternally together. And if for some reason, if one day you do meet that someone who fulfills you, and I am replaced, At least I told you what was real for me and all your worth. I will regret missing you.

READMORE

Seandainya

Semua orang punya mimpi, harapan yang tidak pernah terealisasi dalam kehidupannya.
hasil akhir memang tidak selalu membenarkan bagaimana cara yang digunakan.
Bagaimana akhirnya saya dengan kamu,
tidak selalu membenarkan
bagaimana saya akan sekali lagi berjuang untuk kamu.

Saya berharap saya punya mesin waktu, yang bisa memutar bagian otak saya.
dimana saya akan berlutut kepada kamu, mengharap kamu kembali.
Saya berharap kamu kembali kepada saya, setidaknya katakan sesuatu pada saya,
Saya berharap kamu berkata "Saya hanya menceritakan ini padamu..."

karena saya akan benar-benar mendengarnya.

READMORE

Agustus

 Sangat susah rasanya beranjak dari tempat tidur.

dari mimpi-mimpi yang ingin ditinggalkan

semua terjadi karena satu alasan bukan.

manusia datang dan pergi.

sebagian bukan karena keinginan kita sendiri.

sebagian tetap tinggal.

melamunkan mimpi kosong yang tak akan pernah jadi nyata.

Salah satu orang itu saya.

Bagaimana saya melewati agustus saya.

itu tidak penting.

Dari jauh saya tetap sama.

Orang yang melakukannya diam-diam.

saya dan kamu. apa bedanya..

ironis bagaimana saya melacak kamu dari jaringan twiter teman saya,

kemudian tertawa terbahak bahak tanpa tahu alasannya,

Kapan saya berhenti.

kapan saya bisa berhenti

Menulis tentang kamu, mengukir namamu di pohon dan meja yang pernah saya lewati.

Kapan saya bisa berhenti.

Melangkah tak tahu arah.

Untuk tersesat kembali menuju hatimu yang pernah saya coba diami.

PS: I love You.

I never expect that I'm so much crazy about you.I never hope that you will read this. hopefully don't.

Saya mencoba memulai semuanya kembali dari awal.

Merapikan kembali hati saya.

Bukan untuk meninggalkan.

Untuk menunggu kamu di bulan agustus versi saya.

READMORE

Feromon

Love doesn't hide. It stays and fights. It goes through distance. That's why love is so strong. So that i can carry you home.

Mengerti apa artinya cinta sama saja mengerti kenapa dunia ini berputar mengelilingi matahari, mengapa electron memiliki muatan, dan mengerti kinematika suatu katalis.
Rumit, saya tidak bisa menjelaskannya.
Saya mengayun kedua tangan dan kaki seirama dengan roda waktu, seolah saya diciptakan sebagai makhluk air bernama penyu bermata sayu.
Ketika ia telah jauh mendahului saya, tiba-tiba saya berhenti.
Sesuatu yang hilang seperti menyeret saya ke belakang serupa jalinan memento, membuat penasaran akan rasanya jatuh cinta lagi.
Semakin penasaran karena degup jantung tak juga menemukan titik pemberhentian.
Saya tak berkedip hingga tiga puluh detik pertama, menanti.
Setelahnya menutup masing-masing kelopak mata perlahan, masih menanti.
Saya segera mengerti bagaimana rasanya berada di tengah palung menuju alam bawah sadar.
Saya melihat dia, sosok perempuan yang begitu sederhana, dengan senyum yang polos, ya, senyum yang tidak seperti orang kebanyakan.
Dengan pita kuning dan langkah riang, dia berjalan melewati saya.
Gadis berponi paling lucu yang pernah saya temui dalam hidup saya.
Ayah saya selalu bilang, Ketika manusia berhenti berharap dan bermimpi tentang apa yang ingin dia capai atau dapatkan, itulah hari kematiannya.
Saya selalu ingat perkataan itu. Di tengah harapan yang hampir mati.
Dititik ini pula saya berusaha bangkit. Mengatasi ketakutan dan tangisan saya sendiri
Sahabat-sahabat saya yang terkikik-kikik yang dengar saya bercerita.
Mereka mengenalkan saya kepada beberapa wajah baru.
Mereka pikir saya akan bisa melupakan orang yang saya sayang, hanya jika saya bisa mencintai lagi.
Hidup saya jadi seakan berwarna lagi.
Saya cukur rambut, berusaha tampil rapi lagi agar tidak dibilang kuno. Buang gombal sana sini
Berusaha mencintai lagi.
Tapi saya akhirnya percaya omongan guru biologi SMP saya. ketika dia menjelaskan feromon di hari itu.
“Feromon adalah zat yang membuat satu dengan lainnya tertarik. Ini pertama kali ditemukan pada serangga, yang membuat mereka menemukan lawan jenis mereka meski berjarak ratusan kilometer”
“lalu apakah feromon juga ada di dalam tubuh kita?” teman saya bertanya.
“Ya, semua kita punya feromon. Saat engkau melihat orang yang engkau sayang, feromon akan bekerja, tubuhmu bereaksi, pupil mata membesar hatimu akan berdesir, dan engkau bilang, PAPA SAYA MAU MELAMAR DIA.”
Semua kelas tertawa. Saya tidak. Saya mencatatnya.
Bagi saya.
Ini misi saya. Saya telah menemukan feromon saya sendiri. Dalam kamu.

READMORE

Tigapertigapuluh

"What it's like to be a parent: It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love. "
Nicholas Sparks (The Wedding)

Talking about parents..

Bandage scraped knees. Kiss away fears. Watch my heartbreak and dry my tears. Teach me to know what's right and what's wrong. Show me how to be gentle and when to be strong. Tell them that you love them, and then let it show. That's the easiest part of our grow.

Saya masih ingat semuanya, Mom, Dad.
Bagaimana ibu saya mandi pukul empat, menyiapkan sarapan bagi ketiga anaknya, dan satu orang ayah.

Mandi peluh? itu biasa katanya.
tidak jarang.
Tidak jarang cubitan atau teriakan ibu mampir ke telinga saya jika saya nakal.
hal yang paling menyedihkan adalah melihat ibu,
tidur menyamping karena kecapekan mengurus rumahtangga sehari-hari,
lalu saya akan datang,
mencium kening ibuku yang masih dengan cream tidurnya,
diam-diam...

dan ayahku.
sepenggal memoar tentang ayahku.
ayahku tidak tinggi besar.
ayahku tidak seorang yang paling kuat di dunia
dia juga cuma lulusan SMA


namun bagiku, dia ilmuwan,
dia seorang olahragawan yang membuatku tercengang,
aku suka melihat caranya berbicara.
tanpa konotasi yang berlebih dia mengajariku membaca, berhitung,
dia tidak orang yang kuat.
namun, aku suka cara dia menggendongku
dan berkata, "come on boy" saat aku masih kecil.

Orang bilang saya dititipkan pada kalian.
Oleh Tuhan..
dengan satu darah yang mengalir dalam tubuh,
satu gen yang tidak bisa diubah.

tidak dengan amarah.
tidak dengan pecut atau garisan
yang mampir ke badan.

Mom, Dad, saya berterimakasih.
karena apa yang kalian berikan kepada saya.
saya simpan.
pahit, manis, tangisan, tawa kalian,
ada di sebuah foto yang akan selalu saya kenang.
siapa bilang foto itu bisa hilang?
Tidak, kalau saya menyimpannya di pikiran, hati saya?

Jadi, Ayah, Ibu, Bolehkan saya mendapat pelukan terhangat dari kalian?

READMORE

20 Things You Should Remember

I saw a girl in a mirror, crying and sobbing

It was you.

Remember everything like it was yesterday.

I’m in pain.

You are in pain.

I know that we are really have a great time.

Altough it was over. I gladly to say

I had the chance to know you well.

To surrounding your life.

To protect you from pain i feel and that you felt yesterday.



I tell you!


Dream!
There is a way to change your future, girl, you have to accept that your past is gone.

Your future is important and don’t forget you’re not alone.

I know you don’t have many friend out there, so do I





If you loved someone, you couldn’t let lies come between you.

No matter what happened - even if you’d already lost each other forever - you owed each other the truth.

Your presence is a gift for world.

You are unique and one of a kind.

Your life can be what you want it to be.



Count your blessings, not your troubles.

You will make it wherever you came along.

Within you are so many answer.

Understand, have courage, be strong.

Do not taking all things too seriously,



Remember that little love goes a long way.

Remember that too much goes forever ;p

Realize that it’s never been to late.

Do ordinary things in extraordinary way.

Sacrifice for your love, have hearth and happiness.

Live a life of a serenity, not a life of regrets



And do not even forget.

For even a hour.

HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE!



=)

READMORE

I Can't Stop Crying Today

I can't stop crying today
My world walked out the door
With her she took my heart
For I will love no more

The hours passed like seconds
When our two hearts were one
The seconds passed like hours
After she said that she was done

She was going to love me forever
At least that is what she said
Her heart belonged to someone else
That is what her letter read

I no longer live in color
My world is black and white
I always wonder what she is doing
As I lie awake at night

I hope tomorrow is better
This is what I pray
But right now my heart is broken
I can't stop crying today

READMORE

Day 50: Can You Love Me for Me?

Can you ever love me for me?
for that I am True and Wrong..

Can you love me with my imperfections?

Can you see me as I am and not as what you want me to be?

Can you ever love me for me?
for me that makes so many mistakes and speaks without thinking?

Can you Love me even I am unreasonable?

Can you see me as I am and not Angel that you seek?

Can you ever love me for me?
when i am weak and need your help, need your presence..

Can you love me for me when I am sad without me having a reason to be?

Can you see me as I am not as what I once was?
Can you ever think about me?
when you scuh having great fun, when you laughed..
Can you love me for me???

Can you ever See me?

READMORE

What I've Learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's will be six years to learn to stop hating me, 5 years to becoming friend with me and 10 years to learnt to love me

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice and sometimes it's really hard to do.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.


I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.

READMORE

“Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls “Love is trembling happiness...”
Kahlil Gibran

i don't know how exactly i feel..
feeling rude, feel lonely..
feeling that kills me..

waking up is really hard to do. sleeping is really hard to do too..
just like to hearing you speaking through my mind..
simple things that make it complicated in my life..

benarkah ada kehidupan setelah kematian?
dan benarkah ada cinta setelah kita tidak pernah bertemu?

dalam hidupku aku banyak sekali melakukan kesalahan.
dari hal terkecil hingga hal terbesar.
mencintaimu adalah kesalahan..
namun melepasmu adalah kesalahan terbesar yang sedang aku lakukan sekarang.

i was made to believe that i'd never love somebody else.
but you came showing me another way.
and brought all that my love can bring

pityful.. yes it's pityful
i can't see you clear . you standing right there.. walking away and disappear.

sadness and happiness..
half of my heart get into you..
a real imagination that won't work..

but half of my heart is a part of man,
who never truly loves anything but you..

as if it is really true that there is life after death.. and then we met.. would you let me think that i'm not only dreamer who spent my life into regret?

READMORE

I Want to Be Her Favorite Hello and The Hardest Goodbye

Timeless Don't let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
It's just timeless
It's just timeless

Love
Timeless-Kelly Clarkson

Love isn't the future to seek
love isn't the past that you revealed
Love is a polaroid
Just 2 colours on it
black or white?
Happy or Sad

Yet i know that in this world. it's very hard to find your true love.
my Brother said that the "True Love" is just an imaginary.
yes i don't fully agreed but i just about to know what he mean.

That Love is just imaginary for me.. it's far away and unreach
some people says that "someday you will found your way on love"
I don't think so..

I think Love is love
yeah L-Onelyness
O-blivious
it's V-ertiginous
and E-laborated

The Professor wrote "a woman without her man is nothing" Me: would write "a woman, without her man, is nothing" She would Write "A woman: Without her, man is nothing"
but I believed one thing..
Women and Man are created to complete on each other..
I know my Love..
wherever You are.. No matter How scrubby and umeant i am,
I would left some small memory to her.
And She left me with all of Our memories..





So would you be my greatest hellow and the hardest goodbye?

READMORE

i think i lose my humority...

kau kenangkan sebuah kekalahan paling menyakitkan
: aku dan kau bersitegang, berdebat tentang sebuah bayang
yang nyatanya bukan apa-apa, bukan siapa-siapa

tetapi, kemenangan atau kekalahan akhirnya memang tak
terlampau penting
karena hidup tak cukup dengan kebanggaan-kebanggaan
kejujuran dan keberanian yang kita dirikan di antara
reruntuk kekalahan
terasa lebih berharga ketimbang sekedar tawa kosong di
balik tembok

maka, yang sembunyi biarkan sembunyi
kita tak perlu melarikan diri dari kenyataan
apalagi mengibar-ngibarkan bendera kejantanan
karena, setiap orang bisa dengan gampang berlogika
tetapi, hati tak mungkin berdusta

hmm, kmarin 26 Mei 2009 aku tepat berulang tahun yang ke 20...

berbarengan dengan angin kesedihan yang perlahan selalu masuk ke dalam diriku...


entah, sepertinya saya kehilangan senyum...

saya kehilangan rasa humor saya...

saya rasa itu hal yang terlampau sulit untuk dimengerti...

satu-satunya kado yang aku inginkan adalah bersamamu sekarang...





i now know...


i'm Looking at the sky and say...
Many mistakes I had
Many mistakes I have had

READMORE