| Chute de vous

i hope you are

you could be happy.
not dependent on others,
it's true that you might lost on something or someone you'd love or like.
but it doesn't mean that it controls you.
on every problems there's a lesson.
on every lesson from sadness, there is strength, which will help you to found the stronger power in you.
powers to get out from the locked door of your minds,
smile on someone's smile. even it's your's foe or enemy's smile.
don't think it might hurt nor destroy you.
despite make it a new beginning to write your own story, your very own story.

and i hope you happy. i hope you are.

100

teruntuk kamu,
nona berponi lucu.

"hai apa kabar?"

saya baru sadar satu hal.
apa yang saya tulis disini sudah habis masa berlakunya. sudah expired.
begitu pula surat ini.

100 minggu hanya ironi. bahwa surat-surat yang ada mungkin tidak pernah ada/ tidak pernah kamu baca.
hanya sebuah notes yang berupa kontrak. dimana saya pihak pertama yang melanggar kontrak itu.
kontrak 100 minggu dimana saya tidak akan berhenti menulis tentang kamu di hari selasa.
kenyataannya? saya melanggar janji itu.
lalu bagaimana dengan janji saya lainnya?
itupun saya langgar.

boleh saya jujur pada 1 hal?
saya tidak ingin semua notes saya ini jadi abu.
bab pentingnya lagi. saya tidak ingin kontrak saya dengan kamu hangus begitu saja.
bahwa saya masih punya janji dengan kamu.
selamanya.
dan bahwa kamu di suatu sore memperbolehkan saya melakukannya.

bahwa 99 notes saya merupakan transformasi dari diri saya.
dari seorang yang lemah menjadi kuat hati.
dari seorang yang tidak mau mengerti jadi tahu.
bahwa kamu salah tentang satu hal.
dan saya juga salah tentang satu hal.
bahwa persepsi kita dibangun di atas istana pasir yang dihancurkan ego dan kebencian satu sama lain.

saya salah tentang satu hal.
bahwa saya seringkali marah kepada kamu, lalu meminta maaf seperti anak kecil minta permen,
bahwa saya sering menyita waktumu dengan hal yang tidak penting.
bahwa saya tidak pernah benar-benar berusaha untuk kamu.

saya ingin mengingat kamu,
di hari hari saya yang paling baik.
juga paling kacau.
saya ingin kamu tahu, bahwa setelah semua ini.
semua akan selesai secara cepat.
dan pada akhirnya. .
bukankah semua orang akan lupa semua masalahnya dan beralih lagi ke hidup awalnya?
semoga saja hati saya memberi saya keleluasaan lagi,
keleluasaan untuk menentukan pilihan masa depan.

pada akhirnya saya ingin kamu dalam hidup yang terbaik.
dalam kondisi dicintai dan punya cinta,
saya ingin kamu menjadi diri kamu dilingkungan kamu,
menyampaikan pendapat kamu, mengutarakan idealisme kamu, menceritakan diri kamu dengan orang lain.
membahasakan diri kamu, secara kamu,
kepada mereka yang saya doakan semuanya sayang kepada kamu,
secara tulus dan penuh.

kamu salah tentang satu hal.
bahwa apa yang kamu katakan tentang hati-hati memilih kata selamanya memang benar.
saya sayang kamu selamanya.

From,

Me.

Maybe there's something that you want to say to me. but i don't really know.
on the roadmap you've drawn in your mind.
with the city that you're going to visit with someone you love.
maybe with the song on the playlist so you can dance with him,

in my vain. there is one girl.
in my vain have i struggled.
all i knew that my feeling will not be repressed.
so on the top of the iceberg, i'm gonna be plain and tell myself not to love you anymore.

but in the bottom of it. sigh i don't know.

someone told me that none of us are actually afraid of dark.
; we are afraid of what it conceals from us. we're afraid of having something with the potential to hurt us
standing as right before our us and we didn't recognize it as a threat.
people can be like that, too.

and so as you for me.. :(

Happy valentine's day.

14 february. 2013

100 minggu

berikan saja saya satu alasan untuk tidak menceritakan kamu kepada orang-orang yang saya kenal
tentang bagaimana cara kamu berbicara dan tentang cara kamu memandang dunia.
berikan saja saya satu alasan untuk tidak boleh mencintai kamu.
seperti membuat petisi kepada Tuhan untuk berhenti bernapas.
lebih baik begini keadaanya.
kamu dapat dia.
saya masih menerima
gitu saja?

selama 76 minggu terhitung sejak hari itu. selasa demi selasa selama ini.
jika kamu salah itu salah saya.
jika kamu membentak saya. sekali lagi mungkin saya yang salah.
hal yang bisa benar mungkin bisa jadi salah pada akhirnya.
pada akhirnya, semua ini bukan sia-sia.
karena saya tahu kamu seluruhnya.
tidak hanya dari satu sisi saja.

saya yang tahu kamu
bahwa kamu berjanji pada saya untuk membiarkan saya
"oh dear, i obviously never ask you to stop loving me"

saya tahu kamu tidak ada.
bahwa kamu sebenarnya palsu. sama seperti saya.
hal yang kamu tidak ingat, dan tahu,.
bahwa saya masih sama seperti 100 minggu yang lewat.
bedanya hanya disini.
pada asumsi kebaikan kamu terhadapku.

hanya di mulut saja.,

to leave or to stay

bertahan dan tinggal vs meninggalkan.

apa yang dibilang oleh teman saya bahwa saya bodoh.

buat kamu, apa yang tidak mungkin saya lakukan.

bahwa hanya ada 1 wanita yang bisa buat saya bilang saya sayang kamu.

dan memang begitu seharusnya kata otak saya.

kamu ibarat tembok yang kuat, teguh dan tidak dapat ditembus.

dan saya hanya orang yang melempari tembok itu dengan lumpur.

apakah tembok itu akan runtuh?

tidak, saya hanya buat bekas di tembok itu dengan nama saya.

asalkan saya tidak terlupa. itu saja.

apa lagi yang bisa saya bilang.

saya sayang kamu, apa kamu percaya?

saya rindu kamu setengah mati, apa kamu perhatikan?

lepas dari kenyataan itu, saya memberi hati saya keleluasaan

keleluasaan untuk sebentar lepas dari bayang kamu.

kemana saja asalkan tidak ada kamu.

The End

It weeps for me late at night, when sleep does not come easily.

simple things, I miss oyu.

yeah you read wrong it.

like so, sometimes words come complicated for me.

seems like there is a sin in every words spoken out from my tongue to you.

sometimes it is true that i shouldn't be honest to say every words on my mind.

i miss every tuesday i had.

i miss how i saw you smile.

i miss every little bit moment like a child miss her chocolate.

and the worse things is that you might not want to hear this anymore.

God have given so many morning to spent without and within you.

i'm still alive at the end.

after all the sufferings and sorrows,

you ruin my life.

and i hate you. much than ever. to make me can't forget you.

done. i'm sick of it.

Fake

true love isn't found..
it's built.
but i did slowly fade
it's gone and slowly someone will take my place.

but please.
we'll have to prove them wrong..

Life is a battlefield and we are all a soldier
and you know what made a good soldier?
It's not bitterness, rageand thirst for vengeance
but the ability to stay calmin every circumstances
and the strong will to survive...

Some of us, I believe,
might have gone thru that before,
maybe around their age, or older, maybe younger...

depend on that i'm survive,
going and bounce from one week to another.
and i'm grateful for that.

All I want you to know is,
that I know that "I" am not alone,
that life can be rough and constant taunt can be tough
but I got to hold on for you.
cos I believe the good things are yet to happen.
if it will be come true or not,
it doesn't really matter again.

Mrk.7:1-8

you live your live by changing your heart to the better place.
the place that's hasn't deceive or loss.

just listen to your heart.
listen to the person who loves you, gonna make a space for you to breath.

even if you don't love her too.

i once was being lost in love.i was being hurt all the time.

I am excited to find and/or be reunited with the special someone whom God has given that power...

for that, i found you, Natalia,

i am attracted to your smile,

to your kindness.

you your eyes.

and i always love your smile.

the fact that i can remember all the time and i enjoy them most.

and when you settle around me, when no one would do.

for a "memories of silence" on phonecall

for the details you write to me. to make me stronger that i am used to be.

I am a lover not a fighter.

but i'd try once again for you,

i make a new page for you

natalia nugroho.

in here.

The Myth of Physche

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess, admired by everyone, but whom no one dared to propose to.

Desperate, the king consulted the god Apollo, who said that Psyche should be left alone, in a mourning dress, at the top of a mountain. Before daybreak, a serpent would come to her and marry her.

The king obeyed, and throughout the night the princess waited, terrified and freezing, for the arrival of her husband. She ended up falling asleep.

As she awoke, she was in a beautiful palace, transformed into a queen.

Every night her husband would come to her, they made love, and he had just one condition: Psyche could have anything she desired, but she should trust him completely and never see his face.

The young woman lived happily for a very long time; she had comfort, affection, joy, she was in love with the man who came to her every night.

Once in a while, however, she was afraid of being married to a horrible serpent. One night, while her husband slept, she illuminated their bed with a lantern and found Eros (or Cupid), a man of incredible beauty, beside her.

The light woke him up and he found out that the woman he loved wasn’t able to fulfil his only desire, and disappeared.

Concluding the Greek myth: Desperate to have her love back, Psyche submits herself to a series of tasks imposed by Aphrodite (or Venus), Cupid’s (or Eros’s) mother, who was envious of her beauty.

One of these tasks was to give Aphrodite some of her beauty. Psyche becomes curious about the box that should contain the beauty of the goddess, and again, she isn’t able to deal with Mystery and decides to open it.

She didn’t find anything of beauty in the box, but an infernal sleepiness that left her inert, and without movement.

Eros/Cupid is in love as well, regretting not having been more tolerant toward his wife. He is able to enter the castle and wake her up from this profound sleep with the tip of his arrow and tells her once again: ‘You almost died due to your curiosity.’

This is the great contradiction: Psyche who sought to find safety in knowledge, found insecurity. Both of them went to Jupiter, the supreme God, to implore for this union never to be undone. Jupiter strongly advocated for the cause of the lovers and got Venus to agree. From that day on, Psyche (the essence of the human being) and Eros (love) are forever united.

Those who don’t accept it and always seek an explanation for the magic and mysterious, human relations will lose the best of what life has to offer.

taken from :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupid_and_Psyche

and so i think of you everyday

when i was watching cloud,
and the river at the back of my house.
i remember what ever you'd said to me..

and so i knew that all you've ever said to me was a lie.
and it hurts.

and then i realize that in so many times,
that when i don't think about you,
you came.

everything carries me to you, air, butterflies, wind, aromas,
were little boats that sail towards those isle of yours that never wait for me.

so i guess we are for who we are for a lot of reason.
maybe we can't know about them.
but you see it for me.
my lack, my weakness. and sometimes my overage.

i don't have the power to change it for you. to make you love me like i do
but i can choose where i go from here.
we can choose where we step out from here.
and i can try to feel okay about them.
and i can make an impossible things for you.
happen.

string from words

i collect your words you say to me,
and wear them on the string around my neck,
close to the pulse in the throat,
the thump of my heart

more than i'll ever to articulate: good bye

and i promise

from the days forward i will not bother you again.

In return i just ask one thing of you, stop pretending to care about me.

because though this is just a game to you,

i actually care..

travel on baby.. good bye.

are you living your dream

are you living your dram girl?
being with the one you loved, and loved you i thought so.

i hope you do happy girl,
you were born just because you will be really mean to someone.

and that's not me.

now, are you living your dream girl?

although we are not together right now,

it doesn't even meant a thing.

don't give up,

i love you has a true meaning, and holds all my feeling, just hope and hold on.

for love conquers all things

one day there are one man who were crashed by someone's car.

in another day, he is waking up and he's losing his legs.

someone in the hospital are wondering why this young boy are keep smiling whilst he had lost his legs

and he asked the boy.

the boy answered, " i was hit by a car when i'm trying to save someone?"

"Why? you could be dead by now"

"because i don't want to get hurt" said the boy

"you know i think you are really love her a lot because you've sacrified your own life just for her.... maybe she's sad by now because of this condition"

"no, she is be very happy because i saved the man whom she loved"

i always remember when you whisper in my ear and speak softly,
i love your chuckles, your laugh..
and it's all the things i've been dying to hear...